Thoughts of a Swan: Is death less painful than life?

The thoughts of a Swan bring you the question is death less painful than the life one lives?

Birth, the most precious thing considered in the World is something not for the baby to decide. As the baby grows older, the pains of life make it question its birth. ‘I should have never been born?’

Many of us even end up taking our lives, for the rest of society to be sad about and judge.

Why is it easier for us to take something which we never created? Why is it so easy to feel pain than to remember when we were truly happy? Why do we get tired of laughing but never get tired of being in pain? Is pain really that exquisite for us to cherish every moment of and just like addicts go back and feel the pleasure of having it?

Why does society judge us for ending something we were never asked to have?

Every person in the World has felt happiness and pain, and all of us for a fact know that happiness is singular but pain has different and unique layers.

Layers that bring a weird pleasure, but the deeper we go the closer we crawl to our deaths.

So why is that? Why does humanity go on after we know for a fact that one day we’re never gonna wake up, yet we tend to have families, fall in love knowing we would one day just go, leaving the other person, leaving our families, parents, kids, significant other, friends, everyone behind.

If we don’t leave them, they leave us. So why do we do it? Why do we want to give pain to others, and why do others want to inflict pain on us? It’s the inevitable gift of life.

Emotions that we have no control over control us and lead us to decisions we might regret.

Life with regrets isn’t worth living but life without regrets isn’t worth living either. Why live something we have no control over at all? Ending it only to be judged for taking control of something we otherwise have no control over.

Life is rightfully ours to live, brought into this World by our parents without our permission, but it isn’t rightfully ours to end. We don’t get to choose how to live it, and we are denigrated when we end it. We are stopped from taking the only decision we have control over in this rigged game.

Waking up every day and remembering the saddest moments of our lives, for some the failures, for others their lost loved ones or the decisions they made, ultimately coming down to regrets.

Going to bed thinking the same, yet not having the strength to end it but prefer to taste the pain instead.

Some garner the strength to take their own life but are called cowards, cowards for doing something which requires a lot of strength, cowards for making those around them feel pain, giving them the same pleasure of remorse and regrets that the person who took their life had.

Yet that person still did it, people visited their funeral, they cried, some remembered, others forgot.

Remember your class clown childhood? Class clown to get the attention of other kids that you exist, do stupid things to become their friend, yet kids never laughed at your jokes. They laughed at you … How long did it take for you to realize?

For others it was being bullied by the strongest kid in school. Why did life decide for ‘Joey’ to be bullied at such a young age? Traumatized for life yet it happened to him, and we’re told life is meant to be cherished.

Kids are innocent yet they go through everything adults go through, but why are they always happy? They tend to forget, and forgive.

They forget their pains, they forgive those who harmed them. Those who don’t are no longer kids, their innocence forever snatched by the dealings of life.

So, we are selfish for trying to take our lives, but we are heroes if we wait for our deaths instead, and motivate others to live.

If life teaches us something, it’s that our words and actions can make us and others happy, but that happiness isn’t everlasting for it’s only with us momentarily, while pain on the other hand stays with us for life.

Happiness, ecstasy, euphoria comes into our lives temporarily – shorter than the effects of a pill – and then dissipates. Pain stays forever, layer after layer, going deeper and deeper and never to stop, not even if we cry our heart out everyday.

How do we treat life? We start off by loving it, fearing death until we start fearing life, then hating how it treated us, hating everything about it.

Life is tough they preach while boasting their experience, at the same time staying quiet and ignoring the questions about the pleasures of death. Life is an experience, but death is a destination. A point of no return for why no one is able to thump their chest about their experiences, sharing gleaming but unwanted advice that in their eyes would somehow help us.

They say death could be worse than life, but why is taking your life just so easy then? Only needing a strong will.

Death is only a cut away. It is our conscious, basically life, that tells us not to do it. ‘It’s the worst thing that could happen,’ is what life tells us.

It tricks us into living, and living it means dying any random day. So does life really trick us into dying? If life means living then why don’t we live after all that we go through?

Why are there a thousand ways to die but not one good way to live?

The more we live, the closer we inch towards death. Why do we live at all? Why do we run away from the one thing that’s certain for all of us?

So many questions and we have no answers because it’s something only those who experience it could tell. They could enlighten us if they continue to live after dying – wow – or if we join them.

The enigma of life forever continues for us to live, experience, feel pain and die one day either by choice or not.

Life, meant to live, yet celebrated on each birthday, celebrated for bringing us a year closer to death.

Without pain how can we recognize and feel the pleasure of happiness? How could we be grateful for getting a smile if we have never experienced sadness? People say life would be boring without the fun and ecstasy, but wouldn’t it be boring, tasteless without pain? How could we possibly judge the quality of our happiness without feeling pain? Without the sleepless nights? Without the endless days of remorse? Without the never-ending layers of sadness?

We run away from problems all our lives, and when we get pulled in, we beg for death while the problems and pain mould us into this creature that loves staying in agony, wishing for its own death.

Drugged not wanting to get up, not able to sleep, sleeping all day long wanting to stay in pain, edging closer to death, finding new layers of pain that make us heavy, make us feel sad but oh so good, going deeper and deeper layer after layer until we reach that one final layer that leads us to our eternal paradise. Death.

Painless to end, less painful than living life itself. Living life just to die. Death, the most pleasurable thing all of us – whether happy or sad, wanting or not wanting – one day are met with.

~ Swan

One must imagine Sisyphus happy

Albert Camus